When I was a ghost, I was holy.

I was holy like the ringing of a bell.I was holy like the bending of the iris in the cool rain and breeze of springtime.

I was holy like the bee that alights gently on the iris.

A holy messenger of genetic material.

A flying penis of sorts.

When I was a ghost, I was holy as fuck.

I was holy as fucking.

That’s pretty, fucking holy.

. . . doesn’t get much holier than that.

      Nope.

When I was a ghost, I was holy.

I was made of memories and desires and a wry, mischievous smile.

It was all very holy, especially the wry, mischievous smile.

I wasn’t cold in any discernible way.

Still, I craved the warmth and touch of things

~ things I could see and smell.

So, fuck the whole go to the light thing.

I think a Zen master, or my friend Bella, who’s a death doula, or the Dali Lama, or someone who wrote a best-selling travel guide for the dead said, “that’s all just vanity anyways.”

Still, and come to think of it, when I was a ghost, I was hungry.

I started off just curious.

I’m here and I’m not.

~ hmm.

Then I was looking for something.

A meal fit for the dead.

Then, I was famished allof the time or whatever there was of time that I could consume.

When I was a ghost, I may have missed, fucking.

Fuck!

I was looking for that

~ and something more than that.

That may be the thing about being dead.

One is never really quite as dead as one would expect or possibly have hoped for.

~ had I been just a little more dead.

~ had I only dreamt just a little bit longer.

~ had I been born a dandelion,

or an Iris,

or a bee, a holy flying penis of sorts

instead of a CPA,

~ but who am I to say being born a CPA is such a bad life at all.

~ umm.

~ had I maybe fucked or fucked up just a little more.

~ or been born a bee. . . did I mention bees?

These questions plagued me when I was a ghost as they do all ghosts.

When I was a ghost, I was holy.

I was the rain and the breeze that bent the iris and the dandelion alike.

~ but never so holy

even if hungry and fuckless and mortal

as I am on this

tiny

map point

in time with you.